Hello.
My name is Leon.
:)
Monday, August 6, 2012
Alright, bullsh!ts like *how long it's been* shall not be said, i am back to blogging about how f- up i can be and how it's destroying me.
Today - i mean sunday. was a very wonderful day for me, spending time with my friends. OK they are my poly BEST FRIENDS XD. Yes, and one of them is the girl i am in love with ever since poly started. although things might not have been what i actually hoped for, i am still glad that after 2years plus plus, she is finally talking to me like normal friends will do, i sure am glad abt it. Glad is not a good expression, i would say i am FREAKING EXCITED ABOUT IT!. oh man, it's like a dream come true. so today(sunday) was the 2nd time that we manage to be like normal with one another. I dont know what she was thinking or feel, but what i feel was that, when i pass her my outer wear, a shirt, well i am wearing a tee of course. since she was feeling cold in the Kbox. However, she just refuse to use it and left it seating on the seats the whole time, she would rather endure the cold but not use it. Hais -REJECTION- and yes the feeling sucks, but i dont blame her. i cant. so the feeling kinda stayed there till we were going home and taking a cab! So sending Vivien home first and when we reach the bus-stop, she actually asked me to seat behind, RIGHT BESIDE HER. OH MY GOD, I AM SO OVER THE MOON, but i didn't, cause i swear i would definitely loved her even more. but that's also the reason for confusing me, offering this once in a lifetime offer yet still rejecting my kind offer? idk, my mind was in a mess. After sending them home, i finally reached home! Woohoo, then i started whatapping her, i mention abt her previous ex, and the conversation linked to the question, * To be honest, if there was no sally or vivien, things would the same for me too right?* like how she said she dont talk to that guy anymore. So i have no idea why this dumb brain asked this question at this point of time
but i just went ahead and send. So she said, why do i ask this sort of things when she was begining to feel ok with me. YES, SHE WAS FEELING OKAY WITH ME AND I JUST GOT TO BE A DUMB F*CK AND SPOIL THE ATMOSPHERE. Cheers to the dumb me! now she didn't reply, and it's making me feeling another way, does she see that it's not an important thing that she could just ignore it and go to sleep, not knowing what i was gonna reply her. I dont know man, i feel unwanted at that moment, right now still. these are all my assumption and thinking while waiting to get a reply from her. i don't know what to do.
Leon.
