Sunday, August 19, 2012
Alright, the mind is kinda in a twirl now. So.. few days ago things were going smoothly, talking with her having fun and all. but at friday, i had spill out some stuffs which were meant to be said 2 years later and she also told me something which she also said to tell me 2 years later. I guess i can't wait. It was kinda like heart to heart talk with her.( in my own point of view) but to her, she feels that things will get awkward. I apologize for it, didn't think she would be feeling awkward.
So today, we talk as usual, but i can sense it's different. She deny it, i cant probe much either. So in the noon i was like telling her to accompany her ah ma, and i dont disturb her. i felt that i kinda push her away after sending the text, so i talk to her again and ask her if she feels that way, she said i think too much, well hopefully i am? then the topic change to something light, nothing to do between us and i suddenly ask abt her younger sister whom i don't remember if i met her before, so we talk talk talk, then she tell me want her to introduce her to me not, i said i don't want. After that she send me a picture contain the 3 sisters together. I thought she was trying to introduce me, so i told her i dont want to see her picture, i only wan to see her, she said i was sweet talking. I don't think i am sweet talking at that time, i am serious about it, she asked if i was angry, and saying i got angry easily, at that point of time, i really felt so angry, sending a text back with scarsem. and she actually tell me i sound unhappy. i felt even worse, she already said i was angry, and still tell me i sound unhappy? Does it mean when i am angry i dont sound unhappy? Then she decided to ignore me, i understand it. It's always like this, who would like it. Hell damm i don't. So when our friend asked us for desserts, i was thinking if i should go. Bound to be awkward. But i decided to go, wondering if she will actually talked to me. Well, apparently, it's just wishful thinking. If just this 1 hour plus meeting i am already unable to take it, i wonder how am i gonna take it on the 21st meeting. Even up to this point, my mind is still in pain, the pain where i cant voice out anything, i had to keep it in me. So i send the text apologizing to them in regards to 21st meeting. I also know i had blew my last chance to win her back. It's kinda like back to square one. This time, i don't know what to do. or what else to say. But i know i still love her deeply.
